I Couldn't Find His Grave...


The Title of this post is a little bit frightening, but it's my truth. My father passed away 16 years ago (This October) and it still hurts as if it happened yesterday. I was 11 years old and though I knew what was going on, my childish mind refused to fully understand it. I was a very furious 11-year-old girl and for these reasons:


The hospital barred any child under 13-years-old to enter the heart facility where he was located. Imagine me, a super Daddy's girl, not being able to see her father in the hospital. I was only able to talk to him by phone... until he could no longer speak. After that, I had to hear about his health status from family members. Not sure how much later it was, but I was told he had passed away. I basically never got to see my dad for the LAST few weeks that he was Alive. It was horrible. I hated ALL medical personnel and wondered why that rule was in place when the life of someone is clearly deteriorating.

Anywho, fast forward 15.5 years later and I traveled to the Dominican Republic where he is buried. A little about the cemetery in the Dominican Republic is that families have to physically damage the coffin where there loved one is resting so that poor grave robbers do not destroy their final resting place. Two of my grandparents are laid to rest right at the beginning of the cemetery and it's clean and very nice, but once you get to the middle... It's an absolute mess!

Grave Robbers Got to these...

Decent looking in this section...

I headed to the cemetery in July in hopes of seeing my father's final resting place and I could not find it. I was so sad and spent about 20-30 minutes walking to almost every area of that place to see if we could find him to no avail. I could CLEARLY remember 11 year old me looking at ALL of my surroundings and remembering the high walls, but I just couldn't put my finger on the location. I found a lot of broken tombs, shattered graves, and even more frightening... the head of a Cadaver through the hole of a tomb. I left that cemetery broken hearted, sad, and a bit spooked out. 

I rarely ever talk about my father's death or wish him a peaceful rest when the anniversary comes up because I'm still a bit angry at how the ending of his life played out for me. This trip to see his final resting ground would have put me a little at ease, but it just made me more upset that I couldn't find him...

Do any of you visit a loved one's Burial grounds in different countries? 
How do you find the conditions?

2 comments

  1. My parents in their older age decided to head back to the Caribbean to live because they could no longer "deal with winter". My dad passed away almost 6 years ago and my mom 3 years. They were buried side by side and we placed a tomb above them both so that no one could get into them. I don't know what what I'd do if I went back to visit and couldn't find them. I'd be heartbroken for sure.

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  2. thats so hard i know where my mother is buried i dont know where my father is i know its in queens somewhere.
    but that is hard to deal with especially at 11 years old.

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